Understanding

Do you understand?
It's such a loaded question. Most of the time...No. I don't understand. I don't understand at all. I don't see your side of the problem and I don't see what I'm doing wrong. Or sometimes right...Do I say I understand? Of course I do. I always say I understand because it solves things. People don't want to explain further to my simple mind and so I make it easier on them, but for just once!! I wanna answer truthfully and say NO I don't understand!! Please just tell me why you're acting this way, what's going on in your head, and why I'm never enough. I'm tired. I'm really tired of being played with. And even if that's not how it's meant to come across, that's how I feel when I feel on top of the world and in the next hour I'm feeling crushed underneath it. It's simply not fair! I shouldn't be questioning all the time whether or not I'm going to be happy in the next moment. I'm so tired of being let down and thrown to the side. True, I always pick myself back up, but for heaven sakes it took me 8 months last time!! And I still feel worthless cuz of him. I don't feel wanted and I need that. So I'm done. I'm done putting myself on the line. I'm done throwing my whole self into what I want. I just get burned for it later and it's simply not fair.

Things I hate right now:

The fact that I'm still awake right now...
Life...pretty much everything about it currently

Things I love right now:

...?